谢谢你没往浴缸里看

unexpected guests were on the way, and my mother, an impeccable housekeeper, rushed around straightening up. she put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroom. later, when she went to inspect it, she was surprised that the once-cluttered room had been tidied up so quickly. then she saw the note on the closed shower curtains. it read "thank you for not looking in the bathtub."
不速之客就在路上,我妈妈是完美的家庭主妇,正忙着整理。她分配给爸和哥哥的任务是打扫客人使用的浴室。一会后,当她检查时候,她吃惊了,一度杂乱的房间被打扫干净了。她看到浴帘有张纸条上写着:谢谢你没往浴缸里看。
这到底是谁来了呀
魔王:“公主,你叫破喉咙没有人会来救你! ”
公主:“破喉咙! ”
没有人:“公主!我来救你了! ”
魔王:“见鬼了..”
鬼:“谁发现了我?”
谁:“关我什么事?”
魔王已死!!
懒洋洋为什么头顶一坨屎
朋友问:“为什么懒羊羊脑袋上要顶一坨屎?”
我:“为什么你觉得那是一坨屎,而不是冰淇淋呢?”
朋友:“因为冰淇淋我吃得比较少! ”
我呆了:难道你吃屎比较多吗?
反正就是怎么吃都不对
老公不带我去吃自助餐,说我吃不了多少,
  很吃亏。苦苦哀求下,终于带我去。
  我为了不让他说,我就拼命的吃。
  没想到吃完他还是说再也不和我去了,
  忘不了周围食客和服务员的眼神。
  我艹,你忽悠我,是吧?
未使用的政治家的大脑
the brain surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.
外科医生正要作脑移植手术。
you have your choice of two brains, he told the patient, for $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician.
你可从两个脑子中选个给你。医生告诉病人,心理学家的大脑1000美元,政治家的大脑10000美元
the patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. is the brain of a politician that much better? he asked.
病人很惊讶二者间的差别,政治家的大脑好些吗?他问
the brain surgeon replied, no, it’s not better, just unused.
医生说:不是好些,只是没有用过
我知道你会帮我。。
Smith goes to see his boss in the front office. "Boss," he says: "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic(阁楼) and the garage."
  "We're short-handed, Smith." the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
  "Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I know I could count on you!"
 史密斯去找他的老板。“老板,我们家明天有很重的工作要做,我妻子让我修阁楼和车库。”
  “可我们很缺人,史密斯。”老板答道,“我不可能放你的假。”
  “谢谢,老板。”史密斯说,“我就知道你会帮我。”
粗心的理发师。。
barber: were you wearing a red scarf when you came in?

理发员:你进来时是不是系着红围巾?

customer: no.  

顾客:没有呀。

barber: oh, then i must have cut your throat.

理发员:噢,那我肯定弄破了你的喉咙。
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