一个新员工的故事
several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.
一个年轻人在被雇用几个星期后，被叫到人事经理的办公室。
what is the meaning of this? the director asked. when you applied for the job, you told us you had five years' experience. now we discover this is the first job you ever held.
这是什么意思？经理问，当你申请这份工作时，你告诉我们有五年工作经验，现在我们发现这其实是你的第一份工作。
well, the young man said, in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination.
嗯，年轻人回答，你们的广告上说需要找一个有想象力的人嘛。
一个年轻人在被雇用几个星期后，被叫到人事经理的办公室。
what is the meaning of this? the director asked. when you applied for the job, you told us you had five years' experience. now we discover this is the first job you ever held.
这是什么意思？经理问，当你申请这份工作时，你告诉我们有五年工作经验，现在我们发现这其实是你的第一份工作。
well, the young man said, in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination.
嗯，年轻人回答，你们的广告上说需要找一个有想象力的人嘛。
- “灭尽师太”来算账了！
- 公司同事小桐出格爱给客户起绰号。有一对客户是恩爱夫妻，小桐面前称他们为“神雕侠侣”。另一位年岁年夜的客户出格爱玩儿，小桐叫她“老顽童”。
一天，公司来了位老太，一进门就高声怒吼，怒斥小桐给她的货发晚了，耽搁了她的发卖。虽然小桐拼命诠释那是运输公司的责任，但老太不依不饶，口水喷了小桐一脸。老太走后，小桐在发卖日志上写到：今日“灭尽师太”来算账了！
- 那你觉得我们敢坐吗
- “下来，下来！”一群刚上飞机的游客被一个空服职员赶了下来，有人就问产生了什么事，谁人空服职员：“机件坏了，待修！”不到五分钟，又是适才谁人空服职员：“上去，上去！”“飞机快开了？”就有那不明事理的人问道：“怎么这么快就修睦了？”空服员说：“没修，换了一个敢开的来了！”
- 什么萝卜，分明是个冬瓜
- 单位有个好女孩，活泼开朗，热情大方，就是有那么点胖，总是找不到男友。
这天，爱拉媒的会计大妈说要给她介绍个对象。
她不大自信的说：“能行吗?我这么胖”
会计大妈说：“胖怎么了?你皮肤好呀，又白又懒，像个水灵的萝卜!我给你找的对象，条件也很不错的，可是个不错的萝卜坑呢!我安排你们今晚见见面。”
第二天上班，会计忙问：“姑娘，怎么样?”
她摇摇头：“没戏!”
会计：“不会吧!你看不上?”
她气乎乎的说：“不是，人家看不上我，说我那是什么萝卜，分明是个冬瓜!!!”
- 未使用的政治家的大脑
- the brain surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.
外科医生正要作脑移植手术。
you have your choice of two brains, he told the patient, for $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician.
你可从两个脑子中选个给你。医生告诉病人，心理学家的大脑1000美元，政治家的大脑10000美元
the patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. is the brain of a politician that much better? he asked.
病人很惊讶二者间的差别，政治家的大脑好些吗？他问
the brain surgeon replied, no, it’s not better, just unused.
医生说：不是好些，只是没有用过
- 谢谢你没往浴缸里看
- unexpected guests were on the way, and my mother, an impeccable housekeeper, rushed around straightening up. she put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroom. later, when she went to inspect it, she was surprised that the once-cluttered room had been tidied up so quickly. then she saw the note on the closed shower curtains. it read "thank you for not looking in the bathtub."
不速之客就在路上，我妈妈是完美的家庭主妇，正忙着整理。她分配给爸和哥哥的任务是打扫客人使用的浴室。一会后，当她检查时候，她吃惊了，一度杂乱的房间被打扫干净了。她看到浴帘有张纸条上写着：谢谢你没往浴缸里看。
- 我知道你会帮我。。
- Smith goes to see his boss in the front office. "Boss," he says: "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic(阁楼) and the garage."
"We're short-handed, Smith." the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I know I could count on you!"
史密斯去找他的老板。“老板，我们家明天有很重的工作要做，我妻子让我修阁楼和车库。”
“可我们很缺人，史密斯。”老板答道，“我不可能放你的假。”
“谢谢，老板。”史密斯说，“我就知道你会帮我。”
- 本想对他回眸一笑
- 和男票约会 本想对他回眸一笑 谁知道冒出了个鼻涕泡。
- 年轻真的很好啊！
- 猫咪正在爬树，旁边一老大爷静静地看着，一脸羡慕，嘴里嘀咕着：“年轻真好，会爬树就不会受人欺负了。”我问老人：“您年轻时会爬树吧？”老人点点头。“年轻时藏私房钱被老婆发现，我‘嗖’一声上树了，她就拿我没办法。现在爬不动了，只能被动挨打，年轻真好。”
- 狗都在那跪着呢。
- 昨天去上坟，遇见一家人带着狗跪在那烧纸。
我就来了句：“狗都跑来上坟了。”
说完我就后悔了，觉得话说的不合适。
谁知我弟又来了句：“狗都在那跪着呢！”
我只看见那家人的拳头都好大呀！
